There are some things I’m really bad at. Bowling (I average a 45), hanging pictures straight, keeping plants alive, decorating cakes n’ things, human social interaction when I’m in a certain mood. Also, finishing my creative projects.
I started this site and blog to talk about my writing, and of the several blog posts I’ve written, I have talked about my writing approximately once. Focus is tough for me when it comes to things I find overwhelming or anxiety-producing, though I can hyperfocus for hours on stuff that soothes me (like video games, books and movies). I have ADHD (the inattentive kind), and this is par for the course. On top of that, I just have a naturally avoidant personality – I’m a procrastinator. These traits make it tough sometimes to practice law, and they also make it tough to be a writer.
As a kid, writing and drawing were things that did soothe me. They were part of my pantheon of coping, like reading books and watching movies. As I got older, I started to feel pressure from it; it started to feel like work and not fun. I kept doing it, and I got a degree in English Literature and became an editor and then an attorney and then it REALLY felt like work. But the thing is, I still love it. I love when I write something and someone enjoys it. I love stories, and so I love being able to tell one.
So why is it so hard to do, still?
It’s a complicated series of “this” and “that” but it boils down to the idea that I need to make it part of a routine and force my attention onto it. That’s why I started this. I didn’t feel like writing this today. You can probably tell, because it’s very un-entertaining. But I did it. And later today, although I do also plan to vacuum and clean up and maybe make chocolate things and watch movies with Ashley, I also plan to try to write something. Set some goals. Stop being an asshole.
I’d be interested to know who else procrastinates on these things like I do. I belong to a writer’s group, and we’re all pretty close, and a couple of my friends from there suffer from some of my afflictions – over-editing, not moving forward, not outlining, etc. – but only me and my friend Zach seem to have the “I just can’t write” bug. Regardless, I will get through it. I’m not the first person in the world to have chronic writer’s block (CWB™).