Sunday Night Fuckery

So my internal clock is all messed up due to Daylight Savings Time. It’s 9:30 PM, but it feels like 10:30, so instead of being fairly awake, I have insomnia.

You didn’t think that’s what I’d say! Two for flinching.

I don’t actually have insomnia, I don’t think. I think if I were to get in bed and stop reading and writing etc., I’d fall asleep soon enough. And wake up at 5AM because I went to bed so early.

“But Beck,” you say. “Your internal clock is still fucked up so you might sleep in.”

To that, I reply, nonsense. Fortune favors… someone else.

Anyway, it’s Nanowrimo yet again (emphasis on the NO) and yet again, I’ve decided to give it a try. Except I started a project yesterday (one day late) didn’t get the word count in (two days’ worth) and then started a new one today (two days late) and didn’t get the word count in (three days’ worth).

I figure that’s okay, though. As long as I’m writing something every day, it doesn’t matter if I’m not meeting the technical criteria for something that I’m not actively participating in. I just like the feeling of solidarity, I guess, and the feeling like I should be doing something. I’m a very externally motivated person. I have been told, by a professional, that I struggle with finding an internal locus of control. I like that phrase. It sounds smart, although it can be wielded in a judgmental fashion, which I dig.

Anyway, back to Na-No-Whine-Mo. All I did today was write character sketches, and some freelance, and this blog post. But still; I did stuff. That counts, right? It’s hard when you have a day job and you’re also kind of lazy.

B

2 thoughts on “Sunday Night Fuckery

  1. harold mcdowell

    you are not lazy. you need motivation. write about our shared nightmares , the ones I passed on. don’t know if that makes sense or not, but you know what I mean.

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